Despite complex astrological warnings and risky feng shui, China lands on Moon

FACT CHECK: Did the Chinese successfully land a space craft on the Moon to collect rock samples?

TRUE! The China National Space Administration (CNSA) announced on Monday that it has landed its unmanned Chang’e-5 probe on the surface of the Moon. The Chinese space agency called the technically complex landing “completely auspicious,” in the face of warnings by astrologers and fen shui experts, that the inter-planetary voyage could be affected by the moon eating the lotus flower, which in known to occur during the Year of the Rat. Chinese space scientists and eBayers behind the project, project at least two days drilling to collect 1 kilo, or 4.4 pounds, of lunar rock.

This artist’s impression shows CNSA’s Chang’e-5 probe setting off firecrackers to slow it’s descent to the lunar surface.

The Chinese government immediately hailed the landing as a major milestone in China’s plans to later return 300 kilograms (661 pounds) of lunar debris back to Earth. After careful analysis, the moon rocks will be shipped to Beijing, where they will be broken up, powdered, and made into aphrodisiacs and male enhancement drugs.

“Some of us see a rhino in the moon,’” says CNSA Communication specialist Wang Chung, as he monitors a sophisticated telemetry board copied from Russia. Chung’s contribution to the mission included getting the Chang-e-5 to communicate effectively though Tik Tok

Even as graduate of the Beijing Institute of Pseudoscience, Chung says he wrote off fears the ship suffered from bad feng shui, which might affect the sophisticated instrumentation aboard the spacecraft, or its delicate balance with nature and the soul.

“CNSA spent a lot of time harmonizing Chang-e-5 with it’s environment. It might implode in deep-space vacuum, be shredded by micro-meteors, or just veer off-course into the sun; which is why Chang-e-5 carries many mirrors and flutes.”

According to CNSA officials, all the moon rocks and soil retrieved by the Chang’e-5 Space Project will soon be available to the Chinese people to boost their sexual prowess. Chinese officials hope the successful return of moon rocks will soon bring prosperity and many boners to its citizens.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: